Self-Love

Happy Valentine’s Day. May you love deeply and often in good health.

In past years, I have written on marriage, the concept of Twin Flames, and my ongoing efforts to understand love in its many forms: romantic, familial, platonic, love of the country, and the divine.

As I grow older and experience love through the lenses of my reptilian, mammalian, and neocortical brains, I’ve come to understand that most love has a sticky quality, tinged with various shades of neediness, co-dependency, jealousy, or the fear of loss.

Two thousand years ago, Rabbi Hillel posed a timeless question: “If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, what am I?” We can apply this concept to love by asking, “If I cannot love myself, how can I truly love others?”

It has taken me a lifetime of therapy, meditation, and self-reflection to soften the critical voices of my parents, teachers, rabbis, coaches, and soulmates. Self-love begins with silencing the ever-present critical voice in our minds. 

Self-love is rooted in honoring ourselves, believing that we are worthy, enough, and deserving of love. Self-love is not an indulgence; it is a foundation. It builds confidence, fosters joy, and shields against anxiety, stress, and depression. Yet, in our Western Judeo-Christian culture, self-love is often mistaken for narcissism, a self-absorbed hunger for validation rather than a quiet acceptance of one’s worth.

My life’s crowning achievement has been learning to befriend myself and enjoy my own company. Self-love is hard work because it does not involve “the other,” our twin flame. Self-love allows us to become the flame, wear a crown of light, and radiate a halo. 

On this Valentine’s Day, let’s learn to love ourselves just as we strive to love others.

— Sina.