How To Make Friends
The loneliness pandemic in America is the main cause of all addictions, including food, alcohol, drugs, porn, and work. Over a hundred thousand Americans commit suicide each year, which is more than homicide, traffic accidents, and war combined.
For most of us, the freshman year of college is the height of our opportunity to make friends as we are then most open and vulnerable. After that our personality tends to congeal and, with that, we often start losing more friends than we make.
Most people strive to engage others with their self-importance – how smart, rich, connected, and sophisticated we are – hoping to seduce them into friendship. But a better strategy is one of genuine curiosity, and the simple desire to connect and understand at a deeper personal level. This idea is the focus of my initial interview with each and every potential City Club member while determining their suitability as a member of our community.
Such a dynamic was at play last November when Steve Sander expressed interest in joining our community. After conducting my initial interview with Steve, I found him to be smart, engaging, and quite successful in his Wall Street career. Though we had just increased our joining fee to five thousand dollars, to my great surprise, Steve expressed a desire to contribute more, suggesting it better reflects the true value of the club!
Cautious and conservative by nature, I wanted to learn more about this ostensible Mensch, wondering what his ex- might say about him! Then, last week at the community table, the lunch conversation turned to swapping stories about our respective life adventures, at which time Steve pulled out a picture of himself as a twenty-year-old student at the London School of Economics, visiting East Germany on a class trip – there he was in Lenin Square watching a communist guard doing their daily march, at which time Steve started walking towards them fast. Once he got close enough to see its leader reaching for a concealed gun, Steve turned on a dime and walked in front as if leading them.
The resulting iconic picture gives special meaning to Gandhi's concept of leadership by sensing where the crowd is going and getting out in front. It also reminded me of the value of asking the right questions in order to make new close friends, like Steve.
— Sina.
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