Befriending Ourselves

We recently wrote about the art of making friends and posited that the best strategy for success is to be genuinely interested in others, instead of trying to convince others how worthy we are of their friendship.

That then begs the question, how do we befriend ourselves? How do we evolve in order to feel comfortable enough in our own skin, not just to tolerate, but truly enjoy spending time with ourselves, like ourselves and, yes, love ourselves?

We all have an animal self that is controlled by our reptilian brain, often acting as if “it’s a jungle out there: eat or be eaten.” We do what it takes to survive, but this so-called survival self is not usually our best Self.

With time, patience, and sufficient nurturing, we can learn to grow beyond our basic animal needs, connect with our mammalian brain, open our hearts, fall in love, and learn to enjoy love as much as we enjoy sex.

The Persian poet Rumi says there is yet another level of connection, to our higher self – at the spirit level, where we become one with the universe, like the droplet is to the ocean, like Yin and the Yang.

Seneca, the Greek Philosopher, wrote to a friend saying “a person who is a friend to himself is an aid to all mankind. They are kind. They are calm. They have empathy for themselves and for others. They aren’t desperate. They can quietly spend time alone. They don’t need to pull others down to lift themselves up. They can stand on the shoulders of giants, instead of stepping on their necks to secure advantage.”

It takes a lifetime to learn to befriend ourselves; it’s never too late to begin.

— Sina.

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