Fathers

Most of us love our fathers. As sons, we want to grow up to be like them, or not; and as daughters, we want to marry someone like them, or not. At the very least, our fathers provide us with the foundation to become the adults we wish to become.

Freud thinks we all have daddy issues, which he calls the Oedipus Complex. All humans are flawed and our fathers are no exception. They try, we try, and it’s still hard to have a healthy relationship. But at some point, we must leave the protective safety of the shade our fathers provide in order to see our own shadow and decide who we want to be, instead of living our father’s image of ourselves.

The Oracle foretold that Oedipus would kill his father and marry his mother. But do these enduring Greek tragedies, Shakspearian plays, and Freudian theories teach us anything valuable about the relationship with our fathers? Otherwise, why have they prevailed so long?

Many cultures and religions have ancient rituals to separate sons from their fathers and daughters from their mothers when they turn into adults sometime during their teen years. Learning to forgive and love our fathers, faults and all, is a prerequisite to forgiving ourselves and then learning to love ourselves. Ancestor worship is for our benefit, not for the benefit of our ancestors who are dead and gone!

Introducing religion and culture into this already complex issue makes being a good father that much harder. Until recently, being a good father meant siring children, protecting and providing, and maybe teaching them a trade, after which time we put them in God’s hands, hoping they will find their own way through life. But the recent helicopter parenting fad strives to do and be everything, including being our children’s best friend, therefore depriving them of the discipline and authority they need while growing up.

I can go on talking about loving, smart and flawed fathers; instead, I encourage you to read the brief book review of “My Dad The Deal Maker: The Adventures of Herbie Cohen.”

Happy Father’s Day.

— Sina.

This Newsletter includes items reflecting the personal opinions of their respective authors. This forum is dedicated to the free exchange of ideas and welcomes alternative perspectives submitted in good faith. Neither the original submissions nor any counter-points represent the position of either City Club or Highland Institute. We invite you to engage in these discussions.