“A farmer got so old that he couldn't work the fields anymore. So he would spend the day just sitting on the porch. His son, still working the farm, would look up from time to time and see his father sitting there. "He's of no use any more," the son thought to himself, "he doesn't do anything!" One day the son got so frustrated by this, that he built a wooden coffin, dragged it over to the porch, and told his father to get in. Without saying anything, the father climbed inside. After closing the lid, the son dragged the coffin to the edge of the farm where there was a high cliff. As he approached the drop, he heard a light tapping on the lid from inside the coffin. He opened it up. Still lying there peacefully, the father looked up at his son. "I know you are going to throw me over the cliff, but before you do, may I suggest something?" "What is it?" replied the son. "Throw me over the cliff, if you like," said the father, "but save this good wood coffin. Your children might need to use it." (Zen proverb)
And so it seems with the estrangement of a family member, tossed over the metaphorical cliff. Whatever sentimentality that once bound us, whatever purpose you once served, has long been displaced by my accumulated resentments. Your very presence encumbers my emancipation. You are dead to me.
By one reckoning twenty-seven percent of individuals report being estranged from at least one family member, which can involve parents, children, siblings, grandparents, or other relatives. Parent-child estrangements are particularly prevalent and the subject of this NYT piece Is Cutting Off Your Family Good Therapy? Yes, maybe, but. One place to start might be to acknowledge those “interesting” family dynamics of your own…
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