Tune In To Silence

Four seconds. After that, Americans facing silence in a conversation tend to feel rattled, rejected, or insecure. Research suggests Japanese, in comparison, remain at peace in the stillness of the quiet for twice as long. In fact, silence itself is an integral part of their communication pattern (Being Comfortable With Silence Is a Superpower).

Such is its power. We once discussed Thoreau’s attainment of peace, even transcendence, by means of his escape from the chattering society into the refuge of that tiny cabin in 1845 Massachusetts (MM 4/1/19 Solitude (Nature). Behold the simple life in the trade of city convenience for the sublime lightness of being.

We shall experiment. The “trade” in our next session will simply be the offer of silence in exchange for even deeper reflection. Some may view the prospect as uncomfortable, a reaction which itself says something. The little downside would seem minimal compared to the potential upside of an “extra” ordinary experience, literally extraordinary.

As such, we will start precisely at noon, door closed and salad at the ready, with the actual lunch portion taken in complete silence i.e. there will be no spoken intro by me, no verbal interaction with the servers. That half hour would still allow for communication, though it be of the non-verbal variety as in the mutual observation of others. More profoundly, it would facilitate communication with oneself. 

You might decide to engage in mindful eating or incorporate your own meditation practice. You could reflect on the above-referenced article as to how and why our culture is so uncomfortable with silence. You may become aware of your own growing discomfort and observe the same in others. You may even decide to bail i.e. leave the session (no judgment), and proceed with an “ordinary” lunch.

Then comes the hard part. After the bell rings at the normal 12:30, we will follow the normal protocol, with one exception – the initial contributor is asked to first consciously consider whether the proposed thought is more profound than the continued sanctity of the stillness. Responders, after giving due time for active listening and reflection, apply the same standard. Long pauses in conversation might thus be heralded as a mark of reflection rather than difficulty in articulation.

We would then judge the overall experience. If conversational minimalism is judged to be “unnatural” we might ask what is meant by “natural” in a society that oftentimes rewards reflex over thought, verbosity over insight. Even in the written world, one can detect the impulse to cram the most words into the smallest idea.  

We might then discuss the application of silence – more specifically, the profound discomfort it can induce in others – as a negotiation technique. There’s so much to be learned from the sound of silence.

Enough already.